We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
