I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
