Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
