I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
