my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
