Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
