So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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