I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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