then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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