how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
