guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
