i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
