Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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