i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
