____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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