OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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