she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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