Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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