I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
