uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
