I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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