he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
