somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
