I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
