erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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