his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
