If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
