I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
