He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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