I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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