If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
