According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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