Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
