It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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