please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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