Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
