If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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