I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
