I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The power of my boobs compel you
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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