I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
