i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
