If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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