btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
