Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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