to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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