ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
