I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
