Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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