How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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