remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
