I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
