he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
