this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
