I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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